Infinite

So did you guys missed me? ^^ It's so not me to blog for quite a number of days. But basically, i know i promised to blog yesterday but i didn't because i'm very lazy to turn on my laptop (SO NOT ME) but that's the fact. So basically something happen in school yesterday. :( Oh before telling what happen between me and my friend. I might be having suspension. My school is the most retarded school giving suspension for free flow. :/ 

Alright, back to topic. Somehow quarreled with my best friend, Yes my best friend. The reason why we quarreled is because of another person. But i can't elaborate much, but all you have to know is. I cried during chinese, literally cried to sleep. Li Ming Zhu thought i was not feeling well and let me sleep. Really appreciate him for not waking me up! ^^ 

Have been quarreling with Baby the past few days. :( It's killing me day by day. Somehow this is my worst relationship. Reason? Her attitude is so far worst than mine. She isn't like any other normal butch, instead she want to be " hong kai xin " type. Actually everybody also want to be " hong kai xin " but it happen that i also want to be " hong kai xin " And it's my first time, quarreling and shouting over the phone with the person i love. It's not like all we have is bad memories. But isn't like the first few days or week of our relationship is the " honeymoon " period? But ours.. started crappy... :( I know our relationship wouldn't last for long if this continues, but ohwell... i'll try my best though.. ^^ 

So if it happen that my dearest friend is reading this blog post, please know that i miss you so much or can say, i miss the friendship of US. Though i know yesterday we text each other like KNS. Because it's either you give me cold replies, or i fed-up explaining. Our argument never last for more than 24 hours, but this time round.. I'm not sure hun.. Could you at least tell me i meant something to you?

Have you guys have a close friend that you get jealous whenever she ignores you and get along with another person? Yes, i've been feeling like this the past few days, everything is bottling in me. I'm collapsing because i miss the previous us. When you tell me every time i meant a lot to you, when you tell me you won't get close with her? But... You see... Things wouldn't work out as we plan. We for sure would neglect each other. This is US, we tends to take things for granted. Especially me & you. But you know, i'm sorry for everything i've done. I'm really sorry...

Basically, that's all for today. I'm done blogging out what i want to say. Goodbye! ^^ 

I need a break

Basically i shall talk about what happen yesterday, ^^ 

Went for school, D&T lesson was alright, basically nothing much happen in school lah! After school, went to Junction 8 to get my " Hunger Games " but it was sold out. :( So was pretty upset and decided to get Gongcha to make me happy, a little... But it didn't really help. Came home and packed my books into boxes. Left with my clothes and stuffs, keeping it on Thursday. I'm moving house on 1st April. Fast or what? :( I'll miss everyone here........

So what happen today...

Woke up at 5.50am, got prepared and stuffs and walked to CB mac to have breakfast with CASSAN. Honestly, regret eating breakfast in the morning. I'm freaking bloated and felt extremely uncomfortable. Got nagged by mummy because i didn't tell her about the trip to CB mac. PE today was hell, ran and walked because i'm extremely tired. I'm not a sports person, so don't blame me. After that, nothing much happen. What i'm guilty about the whole day was.... during chinese lesson. I played with something i shouldn't played & of course, i will be guilty right! So paid him that amount.... Hais, because of paying him that amount, i have no money to get cigg. :( AH CRAP. Let me elaborate more on what happen during we play with the thing. 

So basically it's me, celeste, cassan and genieve ( dont know how to spell her name ) So we were figuring out what's that. But when cassan and genieve played with it nothing happen. But when i played with it the liquid medicine flew out. Wtf. Sibei suay, so it's like my fault la, But the reaction of us damn epic & funny. Genieve say " GOT WATER COME OUT ALREADY! " Me, Celeste & Cassan " AHHHHH. " then we all ran away from that object and immediately went to the wash ourself... Lucky Li Ming Zhu wasn't in class. 

Basically, that was what happen & what i plan to do right now is to blog, dry my hair, take a nap & start revising. (HOPE SO) 

Missing everything of her kills me day by day. I'm telling myself every single day, i'm alright without you. I'm forcing a smile whenever i see you. Could we talk to each other like how we used too? Are we simply could just stay like how we are right now when we don't talk at all... I know you don't stalk my blog anymore.... I know you wouldn't take the first move by talking to me anymore... Ah fuck my life, nothing about her.... 

Currently that stupid freak is on his maple AGAIN and ignored my whatsapp. Everyday without fail eh he... Hate him to the max.... Ohya, phone not with me, only able to use it from friday - sunday BUT i can use it from Monday-Thursday on the afternoon. When my brother is not around of course. Because basically right now my brother is the one controlling me, not my mum...

So that's all for today. I'll be here tomorrow, I want to go get new specs, who want to pei me! ^^ 

Anyway, please follow @CelesteFish & @chenguoliyan on twitter! I'll give you a candy!! 

The little things

It's the 10th Month since the day i confessed to you. 

It's time to say goodbye, after waiting for such a long period of time. But whenever i want to let you go, to forget you, simply i can't because of those little promises and commitment we had between each other. You know i love you, you know it's impossible for us, i know it's impossible too. But i'm just waiting for a miracle to happen. 

So from the red title of this blog post, summed up on what i want to blog today, ^^ Nah kidding, not a rant about her. Hope that i won't rant about her too. Because... i've been ranting about her almost every single day, i should just stop for a period of time. I just think that since it's the 10th month since i confessed to her, i find it really very special and meaningful. :) 

So yup, mummy was discharged today. Went over to the hospital to picked her up, My mood was damn bad today, i literally throw tantrum at everybody. Including my mum. I really hate those constant nagging and when people drag me out of the bed. -.- So basically, i thew something near me at them. Yes, i'm that angry. Haha. Even shouted back. Send Daddy off because he has to go back Hongkong for his work tomorrow. Starting to miss him already. Not really miss him la, is miss him giving me money! ^^ 

Basically, now my wallet have plenty of money and i feel like going to get a pack of cigg. But i know i have promise " her " i would stop smoking, so i'm controlling myself. Good girl right, but i know for sure i couldn't control for long :( Ohya, I'm going to have a date with CELESTE. Yes, finally we did went for a date ourselves for the freaking first time. You guys find it shocking? Both of us rarely hang out together though we always stick to each other during school, now you know ^^ 

Ya, so basically right now i'm shouting at Daddy, he's like DEAF eh. Dulan. -.- Nevermind, i'm so pissed right now & i'm going to bed right now. No la, don't feel like blogging. Mood ruined. Shall show you guys some random photos i took when i'm at the hospital. 

( I was studying while mummy is sleeping! ^^ )

( Was damn cold and got Latte, damn nice. But i want STARBUCKS! :( )

( Got this for like 80 dollars eh, kinda expensive right )

( The lotus pig with the flower both of us share cost for my mum, aint we sweet? ^^) 

So yup, i shall end of with this. 

" I love you since the day i met you, but trust me, my love for you didn't change a single bit since that day. "

No idea why this came up my mind out of nowhere. So yup. Goodnight for real, I extremely love my lotus pig & CELESTE. 

Hunger Games

I'll keep this short and go to bathe, have been going to the hospital the past few days to spend time with mummy but today finally i could take a break when i go and watch " Hunger Games " with that loveley girl while waiting for the flower we got for mummy to be done. ^^ It cost 125 dollars altogether! Worth it eh.. She's happy when she see it, that's all that matters. Lauren & Ennmee came to visit my mum, how nice of them.. :) Mummy coming home tomorrow, :) Bought two tops today! 1 from Cotton on & another one got it from someone selling instocks on facebook. Hehe. Love both of the tops ttm! 

Rate this show 10/10 <3 I swear one part freak me out that i screamed, that guy in front freaked out, i'm serious.. And i was literally so paiseh.... :( Nevermind. Ohya! There's going to be Gongcha at hub from now on! Yipee! ^^ Basically, that's all for today lah, ok? Goodbye! 

Favorite girl ♥

School today nothing much happen. But confirm for sure my english oral would score badly. Yes badly. I wasn't excited for d&t class because pong was suppose to have suspension, but he turned up for class. Lesson with him are always the best because he's really funny. Really... Oh before that, we got hair check. So bullshit sia.... No point elaborating. Make my blood boil only. So back to topic, Mr Chew was kinda disappointed with some of us because we didn't put in effort to run. As in, we're literally walking through...... HAHAHA. Recess, nothing much happen, simply.. nothing much happen in school today. Maths was total bore... 

Actually, why i blogged today its because of.. her! ^^

Of course we do have many more pictures because simply, she loves talking photos with me. No la, i always drag her to take picture with me. ^^ So why am i blogging about her today? It's because.. i've come to think of it that she's the one i love most out of all my friend. It happen that that girl above love hiding all her emotions and feelings to herself. It happen that i'm those type of girls to be able to feel the other party feeling. Yes, if i want too of course.. I've known her since kindergarden. That long! We wasn't that close when she stayed at my place for like 2-3 years due to family issues. We're staying under the same roof and we rarely talk to each other. Once she moved out of my place, we drifted apart. We didn't text or talked to each other, if we did. Also rarely. She's a very quiet girl. My friends would know how quiet is she. But things changed a little, after something happen to her dad and of course the trip to Hong Kong and Korea with her changed the friendship we both have. Actually, it's no longer friendship because in fact, i treat her like my own sister. But she's such an ass, she never once picked up my call and she said this to me " Nobody likes to pick up your call, so i also don't " Wtf right? Such a bitch... K la, i didn't blog about her out of nowhere. It's because i really miss her a lot. :( Those times in Hong Kong with her was literally the best, every single day i was talking about " her " and she literally went to hate her so much just because she hurt me so much when i'm in Hong Kong, isn't she sweet? Yes, she's that sweet! Hehe. So both of us are like, sharing cost to get something for my mum as a " Get Well Soon " gift.. We so sweet right! I know i know! ^^ No lah, i forced her too! Hehehe. 

Bought something online through facebook, :) Meeting her this saturday! ^^ Excited max! Kays, that's all for today. Those whose going school tmrw! Be jealous. I'm not going. Hehehe. K la, done crapping. 再见。

I have no idea why i'm so emotional right now, no idea why you still do flow through my mind sometimes, i've to give you up, i've to move on. But you know what made me not able to do that? Simply, you... 

On purpose

Basically, talk about school today. <3 Had mad fun during recess today because basically hunting for keefe. No la, Yx to be exact. But not only that, Celeste & Cassan damn 故意 just now. Literally, and they are fucking random out of nowhere talk about her. Nevermind......... That stupid Nicole keep disturbing somemore! HAHAHA. d&t class was awesome today too! Not really because i've forgotten to bring my design journal and i'm suppose to serve detention :( But gave it a miss today... But its because Pong & Daren kept disturbing me with someone's name and keep talk about the way she behaves and walk that i literally laughed damn loud....... 

Actually, i did nothing much today though. It's just a normal day with nothing exciting and stuffs. Don't want to go school tomorrow because its freaking a long day in school filled with activities till 4-5. No idea what time would everything end, but still a long day :( 

Was having cold-war with that devil. Because... of something happened last night, gave her attitude in the morning.... But now, everything it's alright. ^^ (HOPE SO) I'm going to bed so early recently.. No idea why.... It's like.. nothing keeps me awake right now, last time it's you. But now.. Nah...

Ohya! If you guys are my previous blog reader, like at my previous blog, you guys would know that i made a video for her right? I found it on my desktop yesterday while clearing stuffs. Before i delete it from my desktop i uploaded it to my youtube page! But i put it private! So if you guys want to see the video, Fb me, Formspring me, Dm me on twitter or even text me also can. I'll see if i want to let you guys see anot! ^^ Hehe. It's something personal actually.... Alright, shall blog till here for today. Goodnight! ^^ 

Too late.

Always regret after losing them, isn't it too late? Yes, treasure every minute with your love one right now. Don't be like me.... Regret after losing, not only once or twice or thrice. But many time... Got so emotional after reading back my previous blog which is here. Reopened the blog, those who want to know about my past, go ahead to read it back.. But it's all about " her " Because i was deeply in love with her at that time, including now...... JOKING. Now, not as much as before already, :)

So how's school today? Friends like... Marhuimin, Celeste, Cassan, Fatty pong, Daren, made my day today. Oh, not to forget KarEn! Really eh, I'm so touched by KarEn. ^^ She asking if i'm alright made my day. NO JOKE. But get back to topic, i've decided to be strong, not to get sad over it. Afterall, that's my mum fate. And my mum said it's a family history stuffs and i would get it too. Miserable but.. as i said fate... Mum doing operation this Friday, giving a school a miss. Mummy disagreed but i'm not going to care. Because her previous operation i'm not there, but for this i must. I really hope God will be with her through this.. And as my friends said, Pray. Yup, i would. <3 

Sorry for not blogging a proper blog post the past few days.. because.... i'm watching this! 

Most right, "Evil Queen", "King", "The girl that is loved by the King & the prince", "The prince".. This show effing nice.. It's called " The Moon That Embraces The Sun " I show you the funniest guy in the show! Especially, the way he behaves and walk just made me laugh to myself...

The middle guy! Hehe. this show if i rate, it'll be like 9/10, Because i don't really like the ending because the Prince died, not only that and the show abit draggy and too emotional. But the storyline. Really not bad... Ahh, i'm so into Korean show eh! What's worst. I'm looking for shows happen in the palace. Hehe. Mad right? Joking. Let me find another one to watch! ^^ So Goodbye! :) 

Don't ask about it..

Sorry for not blogging yesterday, was basically on my show. And of course, i've no mood to blog today. Sorry guys, i doubt i wont be blogging for the past few days, but maybe i would, i'll see how but no promises..... As you guys would know. It's the 300day i've loved her today. But i'm not sad about her, because basically, it's just a normal day... But what i'm really upset about is...

From my twitter rant, i bet you guys could guess? Yes, something happened to my mum, i'm... still sad over it. Extremely even.. I don't even feel like blogging about what happen to my mum. Shall just keep everything to myself for now. Please, if my close friends are reading this, don't ask me what happen. It's not idw to say. It's i can't bring myself to tell you guys..... Currently.. only three person know about this.. oh wrong, four.. It's not i don't trust you guys and of course i know you guys for sure would care for me. I know i know. I love you guys alot.. Really... but for this time round, maybe it's better if you guys don't ask me. I might cry suddenly in school, but i'm alright. I'm really alright... 

Basically, that's all for today. What i need most right now, your hug and comfort.. 

Flower boy band!

Alright, a blogpost without pictures again, shall continue from yesterday. So it will be Rants part 2! 

Kidding! No ranting today, as in no ranting about her, Rants part 2 will be up tomorrow or the next day! ^^ So basically, what i did today was rotting at home watching this! " Shut up Flower Boy Band "

Don't you think those guys are so... mad adorable?!?! Kays, shouldn't talk about them and it simply seems like i'm a kpop fan. I'm not so into it though... but there's two handsome guys i want you guys to know! Wohoo! 

MINWOO <3

JB <3

Yup, that two guys above, ohgosh, i really seems like someone so into Kpop. I'm not okay! Really! Get back to topic, i really want to do my english today but it seems like my brain is not working with me. So i've decided to complete it tomorrow with my design and technology. Shall show you guys what i've done for my project. But no judging, i know some of my ideation doesn't work. But i couldn't think of 8 ideation with all working right? I'm not that smart! ^^

Currently now... i feel so weird, yes. I miss both of my ex suddenly.. I feel like they treated me the best, but i treated them like trash. Both of them, broke up because of Teresa. Yup, both of them. You guys could guess who am i talking about? Alvin & Ellen. I can't really blame that it's Teresa fault. Just blame my heart fault, for loving and falling back for her at the wrong timing. ALWAYS. 

I've always wanted to do this few stuffs with my boyfriend/girlfriend.

1. Cook with him/her and messed up the whole kitchen.

2. Walk around shopping malls and giving each other opinion on what to get.

3. Cuddle together in cinemas while watching movies together.

4. Hide under the blanket and start having fun with each other ( Don't anyhow think )

5. Give him/her sudden surprises after school/work.

6. Deliver food for them once they have cravings or hungry.

7. Have the courage to hug him/her once they broke into tears.

8. Resting on him/her shoulder during long bus ride.

9. Taking each other phone not afraid of letting the other party know who you're texting with.

10. Able to myself with him/her, treat him/her as your best friend.

& many more of course... But this is currently, what i could think about... Part of it, i had done it with some of my ex. But none of them which let me to be myself. I've none of my ex as a friend, only Teresa. But currently, now. We machiam friends also not. Because... i don't know... Just like that lorh.. 

And about that girl i'm texting with, our conversations are like hot and cold... But i could never forget that facial expression of hers when we bump into each other at a very awkward manner. That cat incident. Her face... omg... unforgettable... No talking about her.. :)

So yesterday, i got a stupid question on formspring. Not really stupid, but it's worth to elaborate more here. From the view of outsider, you guys would be thinking that i would hate Pauline for what she has done like snatching Teresa away from me. You guys know why i don't hate her? It's because.. She didn't snatch Teresa away from me. Teresa walked away from me. Not because i forced her too. But because she doesn't know what to do. So i don't blame both parties at all. :) Because right now, everything is back to how it should be... Although me and Pauline do have conflicts that time. But i guess now everything is alright? Maybe she do hates me maybe she don't. Nobody knows but it's alright ^^ The most important thing right now is, both of them are alright :)

Jeez. I've no idea what the hell did i just type. Forget it, if i continue, more crap would be up here. I shall stop blogging right now! Goodbye! ^^ 

Rants Part 1

I shall do the ranting blogpost as promised, but i doubt nobody would ever read such a ranting post, am i right? But i'll cut it short because afterall, it's a ranting post... Get back to topic...

So basically, JUST only ah. When Danny told me she's at Teresa place. I freaked out, i panic. Till the extent of, i text her, she didn't reply. I worried like fuck and broke into tears. I'm so afraid he would do something to her and she would break that promise between both of us. :( I guess, i worried for nothing. It's not guess, it's she's alright. Nothing happened. ^^

I've no idea why i'm so pissed in the afternoon, or can say evening. Maybe because things aren't going how i planned it to be. I didn't expect i'm so weak when i thought that i could just put her away just for a day, but simply, i cried during the cell outing while Lauren pray for me. At that moment of time, why the fuck are you still in my brain, in my heart. You know literally i could feel the pain in between my heart and myself, I'm fighting for it to let go of you, my heart held on to you so tightly. It hurts so much that i broke into tears.

Ever have the feeling of listening a song a remind about every single memories you guys had together? Yes i had that feeling today on the bus, Twinneh playlist song made me think about you, almost cried, but i didn't. I'm starting to think.. I'm not good enough to shed a tear for you, because i'm not as perfect as you are. Suddenly thought of those weird animal sounds you made because i said you looked like them. It's mad adorable at that time, I really really fucking miss those time, do you?

The fucked up feeling when i've to delete away that certain photo we took together, though its FUCKING UNGLAM. But those are memories, don't you think so? :( Everything of us can't seems to disappear. Everything it's printed on my heart, brain & mind. Part of the reason why i can't get over you? Uhmm. Maybe....

Promised KarEn we would move on together & walk through this together. But, i could never ever give up on you totally my dear, I've no idea why... i'm still so much in love with you. I know it might be irritating to have someone who love you so much dearly but you don't love me back at all. I also know the feeling of loving someone who don't love me back, it hurts. But what to do? I choose to do all this..

Why am i always falling for the wrong person... Hais, You know... i really have no idea how could i put you down, leave you alone, forget those promises we made, forget every single thing, simply.. everything..... I'm sorry.. really, i really didn't expect i would love you so much, put in so much in this, sorry for loving you. I've said like a thousand million times. But i know a word " sorry " wouldn't help anymore. I know i've said i would move on for like a thousand million times also. But i really couldn't do it. At most only for a day.. I'm serious.. Could you.. just allow me to continue loving you? Sounds so pathetic but... that's what i asked for...

I know i'll hurt alot, i know i could find a better person than you, i know i would lose my smile and everything... But simply, you never knew how much i love you that i wouldn't need to bother about those.. Basically, that's all for today. Nicholas they all bugging me to off the laptop, continue tomorrow or another day.. Goodnight and i love you, i really do...

Failed attempt

Got so used to taking pictures with Instagram and i find those pictures i took with my dslr today was pretty awful :( So yup, actually, i'm kind of pissed right now, but i've decided to blog a proper post now and a ranting post later on. :/ 

Actually, i didn't really take any pictures today at cell outing, just some unglam shots of Twinneh, but don't want to embarrass her1 ^^ So yup, i was late in the morning because i went back to sleep, but still manage to reach Parkway Parade on time. It was fun with those BB guys. Hope they would come for tomorrow cell, because one of them simply make me. WOOHOO. HAHAHA. No idea why also. Lauren prayed for me and i literally broke into tears.... Yes, i can't believe i still could cry for her. So of course my twinneh would hug me when i needed a hug so badly at that time right. Cried in between her arms ^^

Hell embarrassing when i stopped crying, and i guess those guys were shock. But nevermind, went to have lunch and KOI and went to get some snacks. Went up to " Hall 1 " played and nua-ed there while it's time to start for games again. Games was really fun... but i really hate the game of the balancing thingy. It made me really really pissed off. -.- But love the game about the mat thingy. BECAUSE.... secret! ^^

Bused back with Twinneh about 4, we chased for the bus. YUP. RACHEL CHASE FOR THE BUS HORH! No la, because i'm very lazy to wait for another 76. So chase lorh, Twinneh drop her stop and i fell asleep. Glad that i woke up just in time to alight... Basically, did nothing until now. Just watching my Korean Drama, that seems to be my daily stuffs i would do? ^^

So yup, currently not touching my phone because i've no idea where all my friends fly too. :( LONELYGIRL. Alright, bascially, that's all for now. My mum is bugging me to bake another time for her, hope it turns out the same as yesterday's. Goodbye! Before that, show you an unglam picture of me! Don't laugh! :D

Cupcake? Muffins?

Finally my face! Yipee! Okay joking, i'll get to the main point and head out. ^^ So what happen last night? Because of that idiot on formspring who keep asking me about me and sebastian. So here am i telling you what happen. Whoever you are, be jealous. -.-

From that post below, i'm not alright yesterday, right? Andrew beforehand called Sebastian. Smart move. :) After that, they knew i would go to the top floor stair-case and nua. So they sent Sebastian there. ^^ So of course, i couldn't escape and dropped the idea of being alone and decided to talked to him and told him everything. He was a little different yesterday, normally when i cry he would simply leave me alone, but yesterday, he didn't, he draw me closer to him and hugged me. Sounds familiar? ^^ I'm not making all this up. He really did that, i was shocked, very shocked. Although it feels a little different, but the warmth in between his arms are like.. comfortable to the max. :) He kept disturbing me and made me laughed which made me totally cannot do whatever i plan to do. :( So he accompanied me till i don't know what time and send me home. :)

Helped mummy today morning, saw ahneh. Embarrasing max, he typical singaporean. " More chilli please " gave him plenty because afterall, he's my teacher. Such a nice person right? *claphands* Worked till like 11 plus and headed home, have nothing better to do & decided to bake since i have all the ingredients at home, as always. ^^ Pictures are very deceiving! 

Chio anot? Looks chio right! But then......... family would know how it taste. I prefer the muffin with honey. <3 No idea why my muffin taste like waffle, to me lah! The first time failed, second time added condensed-milk SUCCESS <3 HAHAHAHHA. 

Currently, whatsapp-ing with that girl. Didn't expect she would whatsapp me horh! Wanted to like whatsapp her when my tuition end, but i forgot. :/ But she whatsapp me first. Happy or what? ^^ After that, went to text ahemahem, we was actually kp-ing to each other  but ended up not kp already so the conversation wasn't as funny as it was. LOL! CELESTE read my blog while i'm blogging this. HAHAHAHA. Awww, she say i'm very sweet. Ahchew uh, i only sweet give you horh. 我爱你。

Seriously, i can never blog with Poyin around because she for sure will stare at me blog and i can't blog. Lucky she's playing with Draw something now, if not this blog would delay for damn long, but tadah that's all for today. Might continue my previous blogpost tomorrow. MIGHT, but no promises ^^ 

Alright then, goodbye. Leave questions at my formspring yo! <3 BITCH, I KNOW YOU'RE JEALOUS OF ME GETTING SO CLOSE WITH YOUR EX. BUT PLEASE, ME & HIM ARE FUCKING FRIENDS RIGHT NOW. SO FUCK OFF. 

Biggest mistake

I've no idea how long this blog post would be, but i'm sorry. Really sorry, you guys can just click away and just don't read it...  So basically, those who followed me on twitter, would know i'm not alright at all last night. Yup, NOT ALRIGHT AT ALL. Knowing the truth now, hurts a lot. But as expected, i expected this day to come. But honestly, i already knew part of it. But now i know everything.

Honestly, some quotes kept me going on. As in, because i read all this quote or can say this few quotes gave me strength to hold on.

" The worst part of life is waiting, but the best part of life is having someone worth waiting for " 

Because in my mind, in my impression, you're someone worth waiting for.. Probably, i guessed that you had forgotten that promise you promised me in hongkong. Nevermind. It's my fault for not being thoughtful enough for you those time. When all i gave you was stressed, I'm your biggest mistake. 

" If you have a choice between me and her, choose her because if you really loves me there wouldn't be a choice. " 

Part of the reason why i'll let you go and agreed with the break-up. That's the point of time, i started to doubt your love for me and i guess i'm right. You had fallen for her. It's no longer " guess " it's a fact that you had fallen for her when you're with me. :) Maybe i wasn't enough for you, i wasn't as thoughtful as her. That's why you fall for her. I get it. I get it. :)

Remember there's a point of time when i'm in Malaysia, I told you to make your own decision and don't ask for my opinion. Because i'm not you, follow your heart. And you was asking me why am i giving you away. I'm not giving you away at that moment of time, why would i even give away the girl i love so much? As i mentioned earlier. " Follow your heart " I followed my heart. I got into this messed i am right now.

" Even if i fall in love again with someone new, it can never be the way i loved you. " 

Exactly, i wouldn't put in that much in another person anymore. I've learnt so much from this mistake. Or can say, i'm starting to lose faith in love once again. I've got a feeling, i'll start playing with people feeling, but i know for sure. I wouldn't because.. i know how it feels to get played.. by you.. I remember there's a time, when i know you were playing with me, i really want to leave at that moment of time, why did you even... hold me back.. I know i always do stupid stuffs once i'm emotional. That's me. That's what i do. You could just close one eye and just go at that time. 

If i did listened to others at that moment of time, i think i wouldn't even be writing this blog post right now.. I wouldn't even.. cry so much last night... I wouldn't even... be who i am right now... But i wouldn't blame you for all this hurt i'm having now. Because i know you did asked me to moved on and turn straight, so somehow i did all this willingly. :)

Next monday, the 300th day i love you. That would be the day... i'll stopped.. Although i planned it to be something special because it's somehow.. a nice number and meaningful to me in a sense.. But i know it wouldn't happen at all, i'm just.. dreaming.... All this while, i'm dreaming... Thinking that one day, yup one day, maybe next year? next next year? You would be back... 

I'll never forget the happy time we had together, those little arguments that make us got closer, those lame conversations we have, those times when i'm crying you would draw me closer to you and wipe away all my tears, those times when we spend together... 

Bye... I hope and really hope, i could move on. I could stop loving you, i could hate you. But i doubt i could. So... from today, i would act like i did... Please know that i may look i'm alright, but inside me, it's hurts alot. Those truth and lies i got from you... It still hurts me till now... I'll tell myself, i'm your biggest mistake, we're never meant to be, those times when we're together was just.. you're playing with my feeling, you never once loved me. I sounds so evil, but me myself, know the truth will do...

I'll be back tonight with a proper blog post, this is just a blog post i'm ranting about my feeling. I will end this post with this quote.

" True love doesn't curse when it hurts, doesn't give up when it's hard and doesn't hate when it's time to let go. " 

Flaws

Meet up with CELESTE at sembawang at about 12 plus, went to some block downstairs to nua, while i take a puff and walked back to mrt station because CELESTE want to go back to school to find her boyfriend. I was like... a light bulb seriously... But i've my phone. CELESTE keep bugging me to meet her but i'm shy, very shy.

So we walked to BBT shop to nua while waiting for Poyin to come over, Got drinks & food and i smoked again. HAHAHA. Poyin called, went to pick her up and we nua together & crap together below the void deck. Before leaving, i smoked again. Jeez. Walked and a freaking cat scare the hell out of us, SUMPA. Then we saw someone approaching towards that direction, at that moment of time i freaked out. YES, I SERIOUSLY FREAKED OUT. Didn't expect i would bump into her at that moment of state. She didn't recognise me so i didn't say HELLO. Haha, so we walked and crapped all the way back to school. :)

CELESTE boyfriend dismissed already so me & poyin went to nex when we planned to eat " Ramen Play " But change of plans, i got Glacious, she got her ice-cream and we went to NTUC and got ingredients for our dinner. Some kind aunty helped us with choosing the vegetable and how to use the machine. So i was very lazy to walk to her place, so poyin suggested to take bus to her place. So we bused there, once we reached her house. We did the chubby bunny challenge! We did videoed it down but it's hell unglam. Maybe we'll do another one tomorrow! At my place <3 So we watched two shows today. " Nutcracker " & " Butterfly Effect 1 "

Cooked our dinner and messed up the whole kitchen, Aunty Esther came home with dessert. I'm hell irritating. Making noise like " Uhmmmmm " every mouth i eat because it's hell nice & poyin bth me. HAHAHA. And she showed me her Harvest magazine and i had a great laugh. Hehehe <3 Aunty Esther send me home & i'm shocked enough that mummy fell asleep before i get home. How pig can she be, but partly because she's tired because of her work bah...

For those who followed me on twitter, you guys would have know that i'm pretty emotional at a period of time, right? Uhmm. Sad to say, i don't know what's wrong with me. I'm confused right now. I'm not sure if i'm in still in love with Teresa or i had totally given up on her. But for you guys, giving her up was a right thing to do & what i should do am i right? But seriously.... this relationship.. i put in the most, but i got back the least. I wasn't great enough to have her. I was merely just a normal girl with full of flaws. alright no more rants about her. I'm supposed to be over her, remember? :)

Alright goodnight people, i've to help mummy work tomorrow. Goodbye.

Out of boredom.

Out of boredom, here i am blogging. Yup! Went to have Ambush today as stated below that i would be heading for Ambush today at Bishan. Uhm, i prefer the Ambush in TAKA. Afterall, different chef, different cooking! <3 Heading for Ramen play with my favorite girl tomorrow again, in case you guys have no idea whose my favorite girl, you guys damn noob. She's....

Yes, in love with her, Went to guardian. She's such a bitch eh, really. Everything also can link to P. Wtfuck sia, she's just a daily reader of her blog and can link everything we see to her like seriously. HA-HA. Shall camwhore with her more tomorrow! Basically, this sudden random blog post.. is because... something.. Ah, i don't know how to say leh. But i'm praying hard that she doesn't see this. Yes. So don't you guys go tell her my blog! You guys also don't know who is she. WINK~ 

Alright, shall start ranting about her. So if you guys read my blog everyday, you'll know i find some girl adorable. Yes that girl <3 I'm texting her right now. She's somehow the one motivating me to move on, telling me that i could have a brighter life without her. Took her advice. Yes, i took her advice, i let her go. I really went to the extent of trying not to text her. Oh wrong, i didn't text her at all. :) Maybe it's also.. because of her, whenever i read her blog, it wouldn't affect me too. Yes, everything leads to her. I'm not in love with her, i'm just in love with the conversation we have that literally a smile could appear on my face everytime i receive her whatsapp/text. 

Honestly, i'm someone that fall in love easily, i couldn't text a person that much, i couldn't put in so much effort on a person. If not i'll 100% for sure, i would fall for her. So right now, i'm trying... my very best to distant away from her. Because i know she herself isn't a butch and of course it will never possible for us. Plus, she's already in love. I could only, be a text buddy of hers, a friend. I always tried my best to keep the conversation going because i don't want the conversation between us to die out. Because i really love texting her, please know that. I tried my best to keep the conversation going. 

That's all for now. Goodbye. 

Fears

Everybody in life do have fear of something am i right? Yes, So i'm going to tell you guys what i'm afraid of..  I don't share, i don't say out some of them, now you guys know :)

1. I'm afraid of balls. (Eg, Volleyball & Basketball) That's the reason why i'm not active in balls game. I'm just afraid of balls that are big in size. :/

2. I'm afraid of cats.

3. I'm afraid of being alone. That's the reason why i always go to bed early if my mum isn't in Singapore or i would stay over at Andrew's place.

4. I'm afraid of really dark places.

5. I'm afraid of those thunder & lightening.

6. I'm afraid of falling down but i always fall.

7. I'm afraid of heights but i act like i don't. But weirdest thing. I'm not afraid of roller-coaster. I'm in love with them <3

8. I'm afraid of squeaking sounds

9. I'm afraid of cockroach, rats & lizards.

10. I'm afraid of frogs.

Basically, that's all i could think of right now. But i'm sure to say, there's more to come. Honestly, i'm a very timid person.

Having Ambush later on with my dearest, no more cancelling of ambush date. It would be the fucking fourth time that we cancelled if she suddenly doesn't want to go eat. I'm sure going to kill her for sure. Oh jesus hell, her whatsapp always make me smile to myself for sure, really eh. This cannot go on man. My mum would think i'm mad smiling to the phone like an idiot. Ah, her replies are also INSTANT sia. 

Everybody love wishing for a miracle to happen, including me. I wish every single day because we always think that sometimes our wish would come true. Yes, wish do come true at times, but not all the times. But honestly, if i'm suppose to make a wish that i really want it to happen, i would wish for...

" Could you be mine once more? "

I know it's not possible anymore because you made it very clear to me that time, but it's just a wish, a wish that i would want it to happen, or maybe another wish i would like to make is...

" Let me let go of her.. "

It's either, this or that. Right now, you could say that i'm in the midst of moving on because i've someone helping me to get over you. though she isn't a butch at all. She's just a friend. But would you still treat me like how you used to treat me like you used to do? I miss those time when you're " Mandy " At that moment of time, you're the sweetest person i ever mad. Even sweeter when we're together. No joke, Because when we're together, WE NEVER TALKED ON THE PHONE BEFORE. But when you're  " Mandy " We did. I know i shouldn't bring up this matter. Yes, i shouldn't. Change topic..

So have you guys ever lost someone very important to you, like a friend or something? Yes, i did. Although we aren't really close at time, but simply, you guys would still think of those time you guys had once in awhile, right? Recently, CELESTE and i have been thinking about our friend, once our friend, Renee. Yup, i know now our friendship is like in a mess, we're more like enemies right now when we're once good friend, when we know you inside out. When CELESTE trusted you so much all the time, treated you as a good friend all those while. But because of that, the friendship was broken. Including me and you. Remember that day in canteen you said " I know you very well meh? " that sentence, somehow affected me a little but i told CELESTE that it didn't affect me at all. Seriously? I'm your two year friend and you said that... It do hurts you know... Ah, forget it. Maybe you don't know me very well, but we do or maybe CELESTE do.. She knows you more than me because you guys spend more time together than me. & Renee if you would be reading this, i may sounds pathetic, but honestly, we miss you, we miss those times we hang out after school. Yes, every single word here, is from the bottom of my heart.

Alright guys, i'm done blogging for now, would blogged another entry IF i did go ambush later on! There would be pictures of food for sure! Wink~ Goodbye! 

If time would rewind, i would rewind to that day when we're still friends.

I'm blogging now, but for the sake of nobody. HA-HA. I just want to say, i think i somehow given up on her, that literally when normally when both of them sweet-talk, it still affect me like, it still hurts a little inside. But till the extent of, when i went to read her blog, nothing happened. I still read it like a storybook and my heart doesn't hurt at all. Don't ask me how i know her link, i'm smart. ^^ Kidding. :)

Went back to school today, because... as i said yesterday, to accompany CELESTE. So i went to POA remedial when i'm not a POA student. But before that, i bump into Bryan at yck mrt & he hugged me and scared CELESTE because CELESTE couldn't remember how Bryan look like. So yup, went to central mac to have lunch and trained back to school and nua at canteen while CELESTE wait for her boyfriend. Left school, and few minutes later i receive a text, she just walked past our school. *SADFACE* If i'm in school i sure run out and say hello! Haha. I'm talking crap.

Ohya! Me & CELESTE happened to talk a lot in school today. We talked about the person we loved the most in our life, about what happen last time, how much we've changed and stuffs. It was a really great bonding time with her. & Through this, i think we got closer a little much more, I know that bitch would read my blog. So yup! Hey chew, i love you & i'm sorry that you're disappointed in me at times & i would.. get over Teresa okay? You guys need not worry man! :) Thanks for always being there for me yo! & be excited for your b'day present darling~ <3 Although is like... months away. HAHAHA.

I'm currently watching " Shut Up Flower Boy Band ". This stupid show, made me cried like a bitch, no idea why the beginning of the story it's so hurting and sad. :( & Basically that's all for today. Sorry for having such a wordy entry, i've ran out of pictures. Sorry. Leave questions at my formspring ok! Any question :) Love you guys~

Rewind

Before i go out again to meet TZY, i shall blog now because i doubt i would have the energy to blog when i'm home. So yup, woke up in the morning, of course the first thing i do is check twitter, am i right? And you guys could predict who i would stalk right? :) Saw something, i got a little pissed off, no idea why. But nevermind, since she read everything between me and her. It's alright though, because i read everything between her and her last time before. So i think it's pretty fair for her to read the conversation. :) So went to helped mummy at 628 as usual, I didn't expect she would drop me a text in the morning. REALLY NEVER DREAM ABOUT IT. But because of that text, it brighten my day a little. :) So basically worked till like 11 plus and headed home. So, that's basically what i did today la, as in for now. 

As promised on twitter, i'm going to tell you guys about the few embarrasing incidents that happen to me in public, because i'm a very careless, clumsy person. So sure have some stupid stuffs happen outside. But it may not be funny to you guys because you aren't there! You don't know their facial expression! So here it goes...

1. There was a time, Celeste, Renee & I was like slacking around blocks near AMK HUB. We're laughing like mad retards and i didn't notice that there's a freaking car! The driver thought that i spotted him so he didn't stop at all, but in actual fact, i didn't saw him at all. So he was like 2 cm away from me. As in the car, it's freaking near me. Lucky he didn't bang me yo! But what's worst, i still kept laughing there. FYI. We're all wearing school uniform! Don't you think it's funny? Actually not really la, But why i want to share this is because... i really miss those times when three of us hangout after school. Sadly, we're on bad terms with Renee now.

2. It happen that we love taking numbers from guys we spotted at hub. SOUNDS DESPO BUT IT'S FOR FUN JOY & LAUGHTER. That's what me & my girls love to do. So don't comment! But sad to say, we don't do it recently because our daily schedule right now is, School>Home. :( There was this certain guy that we want to take for Cassandra, he walked really really really fast and walked until the underground pathway towards mrt. So literally, i've to chase him. & ohya! It happens that i'm always the one asking for the number because i'm the most daring person *BHB* So in the end, he gave me the WTF face but still gave me in the end. His facial expression is the one which made me laugh REALLY REALLY REALLY LOUD.

3. It was New Year, i went to countdown with my brother, so normally the train station would be packed with people right? My brother mistaken another girl as me. WHEN SHE'S  SO MUCH FATTER AND TALLER THAN ME. My brother still put his hand over that girl shoulder, and that girl freaked out. Yes, freaked out. Till the train journey with that girl & the friend was really awkward, but i can't stop laughing at my brother, but in the end, my brother apologised before leaving the train. Lucky she's not those like bitchy kind. If not my brother sure tio kan. 

4. ( I wrote about this before ) 

That time when i want to vomit, i just sat at the passage way & everybody was like looking but i don't give a damn. But poor her, she was like standing down there trying to ensure i'm alright and hoping i won't embarrass her! I really miss that day. It was mad fun. <3 

5. That day Priscillia brought her skateboard, so she was skating outside hub, and her skateboard somehow skate until my leg there, i didn't know. I stood on the skateboard and somehow fall and injured my leg. :( What's worst. After falling down, i didn't stand up immediately, i still sat down there for a couple of minutes. So those mini-shop outside saw how i fall and saw the process on how i fall, so they kept laughing. Yes, it was really very funny. Till my friends also laughed at how i fall. HAHAHA. <3 

Basically, yup that's all those embarrasing stuffs i did outside. Afterall, today is my haopengyou b'day! So i've decided to dedicate something for him here. THOUGH i wrote him an essay letter, a kinda long text, b'day wish on twitter & facebook. But since, he meant so much to me. I don't mind repeating whatever i said to him here. On my blog, for you guys to see & be jealous that i've such a close guy friend! :)

Honestly, this is the nicest picture we ever took. :( So i guess i would take another picture before i shift to Thomson! Oh get back to topic! Happy 17th B'day! I have been giving you like 3 times of b'day present and sad to say you never give me a single one :( How jerk can you be. But nevermind, Thanks for those times when i'm ultra down in Hongkong about Teresa, and you were there giving me advice and stuffs. Because afterall, you know how i feel. You're the only guy that i trust, that i could cry in front of you and no other guys. You're the guy who knows me the best. As written on that letter, i know we would drift apart after i move because we couldn't meet as often as we do anymore. But it's alright, remember? Is those memories we once had that counts. So yup! That's all. Shall not continue to be mushy-mushy! But i still have to say, i really Thank God for letting me have a guy best friend. <3 

Hehe, today blog post like a long only, Doubt people would read. Plus, it's ultra wordy. Who the hell would love reading an ultra wordy post. Uhmm, honestly, i think i'm the only person in this world to love reading wordy post. :) Alright then, have to bathe and get prepared to head out! Love you guys so much! 

Ohya, i'm going school tomorrow! Not because my teacher wants me to go back, but because Celestine chew ying xuan wants me to go back! HAHAHAA. OK. GOODBYE FOR REAL. 

Fluttered hearts.

Pure word entry for today! Because i'm lazy to put in photos, & maybe for you guys you would be glad that you no need to see my face. HA-HA. Shall keep it short & sweet :)

Woke up at 10am, Got prepared and headed for church, Twin didn't go today so i'm like #foreveralone. Texted "her" <3 No idea why whatever she send me just made my day, literally i smile whenever i read her message, like stupid only. I know i know. Walked back to redhill mrt. Was ultra tired and sitted at the bus-stop when there's not a single bus i need to take. After that i walked to the bus-stop which had my bus and bused home. This is the first time in my life i didn't sleep on the bus because i'm basically texting her. HEHEHE. Once reached home, mummy say she wants to go chompchomp to have dinner. So Aunty Esther drove us there & Poyin meet us there. Ate plenty of food & ultra full but me and Poyin walked over to get frolik! And basically, that's what i did today. Nothing nice, nothing interesting :)

I'm going to dedicate a b'day post to my haopengyou at 12am later! Or maybe not on my blog, just on facebook & drop him a text. :) I'm really glad that he love his b'day present i got for him <3 Going to work in the morning tomorrow! :(

It's 10th today, nothing much happen though, send her something long through fb message last night. No idea why i did that. Maybe because Sebastian gave me the courage to do so. The details of the message, you guys don't need to know. Or maybe you guys could expect what i would write. Basically, just told her how i feel and stuffs & of course, how much i miss her. :/ But... ohwell, after sending, i regret sending REALLY. I don't know lah. Come to think of it, i was kinda pissed off at her in the morning because she said something that pissed me off lah. (OBVIOUS) But everything turns out ok in the end? :)

Anyway! Leave some questions at my formspring! <3 Anything also can. Love you guys!

Go away

Today blog post will be lengthy i guess, so it's alright if you guys don't want to read it. Because i'm physically & mentally tired of everything now.

Gave Jogathon a miss today, told mummy there wasn't school today & she's dumb enough to believe it. So i sleep for like almost the whole day. Pig right, i know i know. QWK also say i very pig. If he's nice enough to deliver Gongcha for me right now 就好 :( But he's such an asshole who doesn't want to help me. SUA LORH... Might be heading down to Hongwei's place to celebrate his b'day! But i've cravings for mac right now. :( Stupid Poyin kept pangseh-ing me. We have been planning to go eat ambush for like 3 times already. & today it's the fourth time and she pangseh me again. :@ So angry! No lah, joking. I'm not angry. HAHA. Church tomorrow! Excited max! Because i can finally see my Twinneh. <3 Never see her for a week simply kills me :( 

My ranting starts now.....

I'm in love with that certain someone for like two hundred and ninety days already, how awesome? Time really flies, Actually not much eh, it's just 290 days. :( But i never imagine i could love her for so long because afterall, i'm a person that simply forget about my ex once i'm done or can say once i broke up with them. You've no idea how much i want you in my life, because having you beside me it's just perfect. I've no idea what's wrong with me yesterday till i gave you weird replies on fb msge that period of time. I'm just... jealous. Understand? :/

But still, thanks so much for appearing in my life. Because every single minute with you ( AS I SAID ) It's wonderful. Really wonderful. I really wonder when would be the day i totally get over you & read back all my blogpost and see how much i once loved you. I bet that day, i would be thinking, why am i so dumb to love you so much. Nevermind, as long as.. i'm alright with what i'm facing right now although it hurts at time, although i cry to sleep every night, although i kept thinking about us, as in our memories. Its alright. I'm really alright. I'm just holding on to one certain thing you've said. That's all. & That's what made me to keep wanting days to past quickly. Though i know the reason isn't with Nicole anymore but it's her. 

Woohoo! This is how i tie my hair for school. For those curious earthlings that want to know how i look like in school. Yes. it's like that but much more messier of course. Although can't see really clearly. HA-HA-HA. Ohya, why am i talking about this... I doubt i'm going to continue ranting because it wouldn't be nice. #okaycan i'm very hungry while blogging this! Shall head to CB mac or CB market to get some food.

Goodbye! I love all of my friends! Especially, Celeste & Poyin! Winkwink~ Ohya! Me & Celeste planning to get the same phone? How sweet can we both be. LOL! Joking. Goodbye for real~ 

Sixth Sense

Hey peeps! I'm so happy right now. Yes, not because of Teresa. But because of something.. Shall elaborate later! Sorry for not updating yesterday because once i'm home, i got emotional & stuffs and decided to just head to bed or can say just rant out my feeling on twitter last night. Went shopping with Poyin in the evening, got slippers. YELLOW IN COLOR. Favorite color right now! <3 Had dinner! & It's really very nice and affordable.

Let's talk about today, shall we? School was a total bore without CELESTE. Plus Cassan kept PMS. :( But ohwell, still manage to survive through today & Maths lesson was really fun today. Because first time Ray was super hungry & start giving crap answers. & During remedial, Mrs Yeo was hungry & started mis-reading words! HAHAHA. So yep, Skipped 2.4 & went home.

Okay... Excited to know why i'm so happy right now that i could literally smile to myself every minute & every second? Remember the previous post about that butch i spotted? YES. I FOUND HER. <3 Yipee! & Guess what, she's my primary schoolmate. Can you believe it? Why couldn't i recognise her that day? Oh maybe because when in primary school i'm not on talking terms with her. But seriously. Hell yeah~ She's cute. But i got a feeling, she's not a butch maybe just.. tom-boy nia! LOL! Nevermind, she's just so adorable & cute! OHMYGOD~