Rants Part 1

I shall do the ranting blogpost as promised, but i doubt nobody would ever read such a ranting post, am i right? But i'll cut it short because afterall, it's a ranting post... Get back to topic...

So basically, JUST only ah. When Danny told me she's at Teresa place. I freaked out, i panic. Till the extent of, i text her, she didn't reply. I worried like fuck and broke into tears. I'm so afraid he would do something to her and she would break that promise between both of us. :( I guess, i worried for nothing. It's not guess, it's she's alright. Nothing happened. ^^

I've no idea why i'm so pissed in the afternoon, or can say evening. Maybe because things aren't going how i planned it to be. I didn't expect i'm so weak when i thought that i could just put her away just for a day, but simply, i cried during the cell outing while Lauren pray for me. At that moment of time, why the fuck are you still in my brain, in my heart. You know literally i could feel the pain in between my heart and myself, I'm fighting for it to let go of you, my heart held on to you so tightly. It hurts so much that i broke into tears.

Ever have the feeling of listening a song a remind about every single memories you guys had together? Yes i had that feeling today on the bus, Twinneh playlist song made me think about you, almost cried, but i didn't. I'm starting to think.. I'm not good enough to shed a tear for you, because i'm not as perfect as you are. Suddenly thought of those weird animal sounds you made because i said you looked like them. It's mad adorable at that time, I really really fucking miss those time, do you?

The fucked up feeling when i've to delete away that certain photo we took together, though its FUCKING UNGLAM. But those are memories, don't you think so? :( Everything of us can't seems to disappear. Everything it's printed on my heart, brain & mind. Part of the reason why i can't get over you? Uhmm. Maybe....

Promised KarEn we would move on together & walk through this together. But, i could never ever give up on you totally my dear, I've no idea why... i'm still so much in love with you. I know it might be irritating to have someone who love you so much dearly but you don't love me back at all. I also know the feeling of loving someone who don't love me back, it hurts. But what to do? I choose to do all this..

Why am i always falling for the wrong person... Hais, You know... i really have no idea how could i put you down, leave you alone, forget those promises we made, forget every single thing, simply.. everything..... I'm sorry.. really, i really didn't expect i would love you so much, put in so much in this, sorry for loving you. I've said like a thousand million times. But i know a word " sorry " wouldn't help anymore. I know i've said i would move on for like a thousand million times also. But i really couldn't do it. At most only for a day.. I'm serious.. Could you.. just allow me to continue loving you? Sounds so pathetic but... that's what i asked for...

I know i'll hurt alot, i know i could find a better person than you, i know i would lose my smile and everything... But simply, you never knew how much i love you that i wouldn't need to bother about those.. Basically, that's all for today. Nicholas they all bugging me to off the laptop, continue tomorrow or another day.. Goodnight and i love you, i really do...